Not being smart

I nearly died earlier this morning when driving home. I was falling asleep on the wheel & was losing consciousness every few minutes. 3 times I was driving off the road, only to have the bumpy road wake myself up. The scariest part was when I opened my eyes I was driving into a large Publix truck, as if my car was from one of those racing movies where a sports car drives under a giant truck, except for my car if I did not swirl back to my left...there wouldn't been a very, very nasty accident. I hate driving long places. After I parked my car on the driveway I turned off the car and went straight to sleep.

Today I will take my sister out to go watch Resident Evil, do chores, & study. It's Sunday, need to start changing gears for school tomorrow.

Weakness

I'm in phase 2 of a cold; can't breathe/runny nose - the AC upstairs stopped working again, technician said outside part is too old and needs to be replaced; another $2000+. I'm sitting in front of my desktop sweating bullets down my face; although I tried to tolerate the heat which is at 94 degrees upstairs, I was unable to. I studied the entire day today downstairs. The walkway was filled with my unsorted clothes, and my room was un-walkable with the way it was; so I was cleaning a bit. I made room to walk, but overall my room is still a complete mess. (Mainly due to the clutter from a year worth of several magazine subscriptions, junk I piled into a corner that I will sell on Ebay perhaps one day, and my 5 laundry baskets.

Sick & weak, the medicine mother gave me she brought back from China, doesn't seem to be working.

Everything happens for a reason...or does it?

After losing everything @ the Hard Rock Casino last night I stumbled outside of the building through an emergency exit. It was around 1am, and was very dark. I had no idea where I was for I was unfamiliar w/ the area. I walked around the South Parking lot and came across a bus station. Earlier that day my friend left early to have dinner w/ his lady while I stayed to gamble some more. I could not help but to share my losses with a man sitting in the corner of the dark bus station's beach area. He told me he had lost more than $5000, when asked did he kept tract of how much he lost he replied: "hell no! I would be so sick if I were to keep tract! But~ everything happens for a reason..." That one sentence sank heavily down my heart; I thought to myself, here I am, 1am on a Friday, losing my entire bankroll w/ 4$ in my wallet. Was waiting for friend to pick me up~ just what the hell am I doing. I could have do so much more w/ my time instead of getting demolished by the regulars AND A FUCKING CHINESE KID THE SAME AGE AS ME WHO GOES TO USF AND APPARENTLY HAS BEEN PLAYING POKER FOR 3+ MORE YEARS THAN ME WHO WAS $500+ up. I guess experience does matter, but that doesn't matter because I've decided to quit poker. I do not want the same feeling I felt last night EVER again. If a person lost a nickle they wouldn't feel so bad; I tell myself in the future I want to be in a situation where I wouldn't be fazed by my lost of...a price of an Alien Laptop. I hate losing, I've gotten better, but losing when it comes to money~ I don't think anyone in this world likes that. Changes must be made, & it starts...now.

Another week~

>Time just flies, I told myself I'd keep this blog updated but geez, a whole week rolled over.

- My mother has been better in the past week. Now that I have a mindset where I just do what my mother tells me to do regardless of whether its in my interests or not, I do it quickly. My mother loves to take opportunities to chat w/ me when I'm eating at the kitchen table. So when she starts, I just wolf down whatever I'm eating regardless whether its super hot just from the pot or not microwaved yet, and run into my room, close my doors and lock it. She went away to Jacksonville over the weekend for a church conference. A nice peaceful weekend for me indeed.

- I have over a year worth of magazine subscriptions from 7 different magazine names. I am now dedicating time from each day to finish at least 3 magazines a day. What I do is I have my laptop open w/ Word open and I document anything that I find interesting or worthy to keep for later access. I don't want to "skim" over the magazines. We forget so often, unless we take the time to re-read something to the point we just memorize it; even then we'd still forget. So I keep a log of all the information so later on I can re-read and go: "ohhh, back in 2009 it was so bad in Iceland people were unable to afford Big Macs leading to the closure of many of the Mc Donalds due to high import costs of cheese and other ingrediants resulting in a $7 Big Mac.) or "the U.S. gov. still makes the piece of garbage V-22 Osprey that each costs $110million dollars to make yet its highly unsafe, slow,as a giant duck in the sky for enemies, yet its still being made due to lobbyists for their own benefits."
                  -> One day, I will keep up with all the magazines I subscribe to! One day... I mean, realistically, if I read 3 magazines a day; they only come out once a month w/ the exception of "The Week," I should be able to catch up...

- I did not have to pick any hard classes this semester, yet I picked a ridiculously hard class called Fundamentals of Nutrition. I thought it would be a good challenge, a refresher for the anatomy & micro bio classes I finished semesters before. Another reason for choosing the class was to self discipline myself in focusing in studies. Unlike most people I hear who apparently study & be on Facebook at the same time, I go hardcore and study for hours & hours on. (Average 4hrs in a go when I'm in the zone.) I just don't see how I can be chatting with people & trying to memorize what hormones are released after a high calorie meal; & apply it to fat storage & sugar levels.

- I will be emptying out the fridge; as in, eating all the random things my mother bought which she has yet to touch. During the 11 months of living by myself the fridge was one of my priorities to keep organized and clean, w/out anything that I wouldn't need. Now its filled with random herbs (all over again) and things my mother just "saves." Before she comes back I'm going to eat everything and throw away the rest I deem "unworthy."

- Just got a phone call from my good friend Luis & Danny. Tonight, I will be making wings for dinner, then we head out to Channelside to celebrate Luis's 22nd birthday. He gets crazy sometimes, I hope he doesn't go overboard.....

Friday Night

My entire body is sore from going over the top at L.A. Fitness from yesterday. Spent the morning reading from my giant pile of newspapers which has been stacking up over the past year. I keep telling myself one day I will be able to keep up with the news and magazines which I'm all a good year behind. ONE DAY, I will be caught up! When I am reading I have my laptop open and I document everything I deem that is important/interesting. Quick example, the economy is so bad in Iceland, McDonalds are closing down. Took a nap during the afternoon, woke up & continued to read. I was interrupted by a certain someone who, rarely, if ever, takes the initiative in anything that person does in the many years Ive known this individual. I get a Skype message: "I'm here to tell you that I'm deleting Skype, ok bye." After that message, my stress levels started rising, I stopped reading, and just sat there starring off into space for the next ten minutes. I've concluded, that certain individual has too much influence in her life. He/she although graduated with an BA, STILL does not have a say or make choices for him/herself. White hair does not run in my family. I've convinced myself that all of my white hair started when I started having relationships. Whenever I hear the word "relationship" or "girlfriend/boyfriend" I get ulcer pain.

I've seen all sorts of relationships, & have experienced enough to have a very, very good understanding of how it works. Unlike in dramas & movies where actors & actresses have scrips to memorize, reality is indeed a cruel place; not in terms of relationships, but everything else as well. Sometimes people can be so irrational, it baffles me at some of the choices people make. For instance, there are people who read & do not know the true definition of certain words, skim through, and does not get a full understanding, and continue to try to prove their point ignoring all I've said. I take the time to explain to them, yet they act so immature, and snap back at me with "oh but you started it," or another excuse. They do not work towards an agreement but work towards getting the last word in or play ignorant. (This is why I prefer older women; I hope that due to their older age they will have more experience and not repeat the same childish problems.)
After my mother came back from China recently, it finally occurred to me that, why waste the effort to rationalize with people who does not think rationally in the first place? It's like, talking to a wall, nothing gets solved. When my mother gets upset, nothing, I mean NOTHING I do can rectify the situation. I've learned that my best option is to listen (im obligated to listen or else she will start destroying the house), to listen and hide in my room. The best solution actually, is to leave the house & turn off the cellphone. It gives zero opportunity for my mom to engage me in a hostile conversation.

To keep things simple: its crucial to decrease the ever increasing complications in our daily lives; in school & work having a simple resume or project is no good, but everything else in life works this way, don't believe me? Craigslist generates more traffic than ebay & amazon combined together. Amazon has a employee workforce of 2000+, Ebay 500+, Craigslist, just 20. Craigslist's site layout? Plain and simple, many people wanted to "uplift" Craigslist's site layout & design and were all shot down without a thought by the founders. Why change something that works really well?

Facebook; ah the original Facemash, how things have changed. Anyways, up till tonight, I did not know about 50% of how to change settings worked in Facebook. I originally thought it was either "you are single" or "your with someone else," I didn't know you were able to hide the status altogether. It's silly how many times I've seen the moment someone breaks up the 1st thing they do is to update that status on their Facebook page. I've just removed that "relationship status" altogether since....ohhh, ulcer pain....GAAAH! To me, there is no such thing as pfftt, "love." Men wants sex, women wants love. Men mistakes sex for love, women sees sex as an obligation to men. I've worked so hard at my past relationships, every single time I get taken granted for!!! I get used & discarded. WTF AM I? A FRIGGING TAMPON? I tried to be that Mr. Gentleman/Mr. Niceguy, but I learned, nice guys ALWAYS finish last!

Fall Semester

Today was the first day of school. There were so many girls wear so much heavy make up. A school is a place for education, such acts are just filthy to the school's atmosphere. It is men who shapes the image of today's society, those poor girls who lack confidence in themselves by caking their face with makeup. During my nutrition class, which was almost 3 hours long, a girl sitting two seats away from me from the beginning of class till the end was on facebook typing away. If she wasn't on facebook typing she was on her phone texting. (minor distraction, my description of her came from a few seconds out of the lecture's time) If I was the professor I'd kick her out in a blink of an eye. She was black, why am I bringing race into this? When I was lifting heavy boxes today filled with months of newspaper & ads from my car to the recycling area, there was this oversized whale, who was also black. (WHAT A COINCIDENCE!) She was so fat, even if I told her to move she had no room to move in the hallway, and her annoying pitch black flip flops "flip flop flip flop" I was boiling with rage at that point, with the stress coming from lifting the biggest box I had, unable to move pass the giant blob traveling at snail pace. Funny, this week, I'm just hating on the black folks. Yesterday I downloaded a Jet Li movie called "Black Mask," as I started up the movie I noticed something was not right. I've watched the movie before many years ago, but did not remember there was so much rap...garbage rap. I knew something was wrong as Jet Li started talking, a black man's voice came out. I fast forwarded through the movie to find out EVERY, SINGLE person in the movie was dubbed by some black man...unacceptable. If I was God I'd smite the people who dubbed the movie thinking they were creative. What, utter, rubbish!
Today rained very heavily; drowning all conversations from the students. I get ultra drowsy during heavy rain. While some people might think a day with heavy rain is gloomy, I find it very relaxed & soothing. All being said driving back from school was very difficult; I thought nothing but my bed.
 The class I thought I registered for was Hotel & Food Management, I accidentally signed up for Convention & Expo. A careless mistake on my part. Brain is fried, currently it's 2am, to bed.

Enter the Blogsphere!

In today's world, our daily lives are filled with constant mundane tasks such as work, that we sometimes forget the things that are precious to us, only to realize what we took for granted are gone. Like most people, I can't remember every single little thing that occurs throughout the day. Even memorable events gets hazy over the course of time. I do not write dairies, but have always wanted to make a blog. Starting today, I will be taking the time and put effort into creating this blog to share & give insight into my life; thoughts, views, emotions & everything else. I'm very excited, I have something to look back to years later down the road to take a good look at what kind of a person I was, and analyze just what changes were made throughout the years into the person who I will eventually become in the future.
Fall semester will be starting in 4 days. The summer went by like a bullet train. It's interesting to note now not a day goes by where I tell myself: "hey! I'm bored, going to call up my friends to see what they're doing!" Everyday there are plenty of things to do, and at the end of the night I tell myself if only I had more time. The "me" 3 years ago did nothing but play video games, watched anime, & watched dramas. 24 episode session? no problem, sleep? what does that mean? For the most part, I was indeed, by definition, an otaku! Now, I look forward most to a noon/afternoon nap so I can function better at night. When it get's pass 12 I feel drowsy, stay pass 1am my body shuts down automatically without warning; I'd usually wake up to find myself laying on the floor or sitting on my chair with body parts sore from sleeping in a bad position. This is a bad habit because, many times in class if I did not get enough sleep I have no problem sleep sitting up while when the professor lectures. I usually sit in the front...